Here's something I haven't taken a stab at yet: a restaurant review. How could that go wrong?
OK, for starters, since this update is destined to attract worldwide distribution (and a modicum of acclaim along the way*), I've chosen a restaurant that though you're not likely to visit ours here in Palookaville, it is entirely possible you'll find yourself dining at a similar eatery in the near future. And by "similar" I mean it'll bear the same name, but be located elsewhere.
Yes, I'm referring to a chain.
My critique in a sec, but first a clarification... which is best rendered in an example. What if Paris Hilton decided to examine portfolios of certain board members of some of the world's largest corporations in an effort to, say, find someone to take her to the ball. She's the daughter of Mr. Dick Hilton, head of the Hilton hotel chain, so perhaps she knows her way around these lofty corporate environs. Then, suppose Ms Hilton decided the first portfolios she'd thumb through would belong to chaps ensconced in the upper echelons of the richest retailer in the world, no less. Would she, the daughter of a hotel magnate, attempt to leap that high? Could she leap that high?
Um, how 'bout she's never even heard of Wal~Mart?
Sorry, I'm not buying it. I think Paris Hilton was feigning ignorance when she said during her TV show, The Simple Life, that she'd never heard of Wal~Mart, that she didn't know what one was. Perhaps she'd never darkened the doors of a Wal~Mart, directing those who shop for her to stores found on the "other side of the tracks," but she sure as the bunion on my big toe had heard of them.
So I'm gonna review a fairly well-known restaurant today. Perhaps you've heard of them. They are called Mickey D's. They are everywhere. Some of you may know them as McDonald's. Have you ever been in a McDonald's? Maybe, maybe not. Will you ever eat food or drink a beverage from McDonald's? Again, maybe maybe not.
But you've heard of McDonald's. If you live in a cave in the Himalayas and don't own a computer, don't even have access to a computer, then I'd give you the benefit of the doubt if you told me you'd never heard of this chain.
Safe to assume: you have access to a computer = you've heard about the golden arches.
OK, you've heard of them. Now, have you eaten there? Do you need to read about the total calamity that occurred recently at my local McDonald's?
You don't need to, but do you want to?
I think you do. I think you need to hear this.
No, hold on. Wait a minute. Don't leave yet.
Somebody go get that one. I see someone clicking over to another website. I'll wait.
I guess part of this is that at various times during the course of my life I've felt "too good" for McDonald's. It's not overly wild to speculate that Paris Hilton felt "too good" for Wal~Mart. (More likely, the writers for The Simple Life told her to fake like she'd never heard of Wally~World for effect; which worked, as many of us were then drawn into the discussion, not believing our ears that a seemingly normal person from a civilized place on this planet hadn't yet been touched by Sam Walton.)
Yes, this update is more about perceived self-perceptions than it is about burgers and fries.
Which makes it just about impossible to write.
No one wants to read about... the stuff that I can't talk about. The stuff that as soon as I start getting into it, everyone will make that fwuff fwuff fwuffing sound that our good man Jeeves makes when he alludes to the riff-raff.
No, we are all above it all.
"Fwuff fwuff. Where's my monocle? McDonald's, you say? So sorry; never been. As a member of the hoity toity, I'm completely and utterly unfamiliar with the interiors of those dreadful establishments."
I honestly think there are billions of people who could use a review of this very familiar burger joint. I've never read a review of a McDonald's; I suppose you have?
Oh? What's that you say? "McDonald's doesn't need to be reviewed."
No, they don't. Shampoo doesn't need to say "Lather, rinse, repeat" either--but it does. You couldn't read the first time you shampooed; so why print "Lather, rinse, repeat" on the label? And isn't that the best time for directions, immediately prior to the first time you use a product?
McDonald's may not need a review of its product, and its employees may not need to be dressed down. However much that is the case, I am here today to tell you about what happened at one of Ray Croc's ubiquitous restaurants.
I was minding my own business, trying to eat a Big Mac, and-- Oh, shoot.
Gotta go. Not enough time. I'll finish this one tomorrow.
FORWARD to what happened next
BACK to what happened first
OVER to HerbNation HOMEPAGE
*ty, tyvm