Just wondering what I do wrong. Do I bring this stuff on myself? How come I can't walk into a Wal~Mart and attempt to purchase a few nanners without having them jostled and bruised by some asinine swaggering ape? I suppose I'd get my feathers ruffled less often if, for instance, every single time somebody bumped my shopping cart I bumped back. Whether the oaf were big or small, young or old, whether I were perceived as flying off the handle or not, none of that matters: you push me, I push back. Harder. Consider this an advisement for this time and for next time, pal: don't bruise my bananas, I don't care if I do make a scene.
But the thing is I've made it this far in life relatively unscathed. I've never had the holy crap beaten out of me. Sure, I've angered a fellow manager or two, enough to the point that they attempted to get me fired, but they didn't take me out behind the woodshed.
What I'm saying is I'm just not the kind of person who gets into fights over cart bumpings, even if it's done on purpose; and because of wisely choosing my battles, I think I'm better off. Certainly I'm alive, which is one component of being "better off." If, after every time somebody cut me off in traffic, I attempted to personally right that wrong, well, one of those times I woulda been staring at a gun.
But does that mean that after every affront we drivers should simply and only continue to drive defensively? Should I only thank my lucky stars that this person who cut me off didn't also shoot me?
For me, and as a rule of the road, yes. (Others have other ideas about how to drive, stuff.)
But what about in everyday life? Like in the classroom, or around the water cooler, or while picking in the fields, or waiting for a table with Puck at Spago?
Of course I don't always need to be a wimp. And I'm not always a wimp. It's just I swear I attract these sorts of banana bruisings.
Now, someone who's been following along might have more to add to this. I just want to know where salsa guy gets off threatening me like he did. He doesn't know I'm the one who sent him that excavation notification. And that letter didn't force him to do anything; he coulda just let PG&E do their own digging. He had something to hide, that's why he excavated. And he doesn't know that the person who spilled his dog food can also be reached at the number I included in that notification. Also--and this is no small bag of potatoes--it should be noted that since I haven't seen him commit a single crime, I have and will continue to protect his privacy and anonymity; he is and perhaps will remain Kevin B.
And I flipped him a Hamilton for that dog food! I mean what does he want?
What I'm saying is I don't think I asked for any of this.
No, I was minding my own business. (Thank you.) Now, though, I guess I just have to try even harder to mind my own business. And peek around the curtains before I leave for work in the morning.
FORWARD to what happened next
BACK to that original nanner jostling
OVER to HerbNation HOMEPAGE